Friday, May 11, 2012

Gert's Revisited

So I go into Gert's Tavern the other day.  Had not been in there for about a year.  No one around so I pick out the cleanest grungy bar stool I could find, still sticky from stale beer but no bodily fluids appear to have been left on it and park my self down.
I made the mistake of putting my arm on the bar and caught myself, not in enough time however and my sweat shirt stuck.
Sarah Jean
Then the swinging door from the kitchen opened and Gert came waddling out in her once white, now grayish bathrobe and pink, once fuzzy slippers.
"I think I'll have a scotch on the rocks."
I could hear her say something but couldn't make it out.  Sounded like, Azbowl.  She grabbed a glass from the sink that I don't think had been washed from the night before and scooped it in the ice bin where I saw something brown that looked like a week old banana peel sitting on top of the ice.  She missed getting it in the glass so I felt lucky today.
As I sat there looking at whatever was floating in my scotch she said, "You need to hang around.  I got a stripper coming in at noon."
It was five to twelve.  I had time to chug down the scotch and get the hell out of there before she arrived.  I did a one, two chug but the stripper showed up early.  A gal who looked about 18 years old came walking in with a silver robe on.  Not the prettiest thing I had seen that day.  She was carring a clock radio under her arm and began looking for a place to plug it in.
She then took off her robe and I saw she had one breast implant.  About a 38DD.  The other breast was about a 32B.  She pointed at the 32B and asked Gert if that was going to be a problem.  She said she didn't have enough money yet to get the other one done.
I got off my stool, with a sort of sticky sound from my rear and made my way toward the door.  I remembered I had wood to chop.

HERE is what happens when you take city assholes and let them control rural areas of the State.
This idiot probably has never been more than 50 miles from downtown Minneapolis.  But he wants the bucks that will be paid to his campaign re-election by the mining companies that will tear up the northwoods.
City people are like that.  If they don't vacation there, it is worth money to let someone trash it.  Let someone suggest that we allow mining a few blocks from his house and see what he does.
Have I mentioned how much I despise city people? I'm for fencing them in and not letting them out where they can wreck the rest of the world.  They should be issued visas to go beyond the city limits, and then only after a lengthy board of review and a test to see if they are trustworthy enough.  Most would fail miserably.


RandJ-Photo said...

They have to get money into the state school funds where it can be converted into pocket change. Probably the only thing you would ever see from it might be a lost miner would find his way to Gert's and drop enough money for that girl to get her other breast done.

D.L. Wood said...

That makes me remember the last time I was in a tittie bar. It was many years ago up in Green Bay and it was amateur night. It was a long narrow building; one side was the bar and the other about a 30 foot stage with a bump out on one end that had a pole.

For the first amateur, two of the regular dancers had gotten one of their friends drunk enough to go up on stage. She was good looking and didn't fall down while doing her strip. What got her in trouble was that pole. It was t the other end of the stage from where she was. As she got her panties off at the end of a pretty good strip job and was kinda strutting around real proud of herself and basking in all the hoots and hollers of the guys; she spied that pole. She took off down the stage full speed ahead.

Now one thing is that they had chairs along the stage so you sit and be up close to the girls and it was easier for them to get those dollars from you. The distance from the pole to the edge was about four feet.

So here she comes like a horse right out of the gate. Did I mention she was wearing knee high boots that had about 4 inch sole on them. As she gets to the pole she is going way too fast. Her one hand misses but the other arm catches it in the crook of her elbow. Her upper body stopped but them big ole boots kept right on going. As she started around the pole and her legs started to lift, the guys sitting along there saw the problem and the 6 or so in chairs and 4 or 5 standing behind them all hit the floor as her legs whizzed over their heads.

Her - when she started to swing out over those guys her eyes where as big as saucers and half way around her second turn of the pole her arm slipped but she was able to grab on with her hand. Her ass hit the stage floor just as it cleared the front edge. To a wild standing ovation she slid to the back wall, then slowly got on her hands and knees; looked out at the crowd with a shocked look on her face and puked.

Like you, I knew it was time for me to leave. Hell nobody could of topped that performance anyway. lol

D.L. Wood