Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Delicate my ass


I have spoken in the past about the myth of "Whites vs Colored" clothes. We have come to realize that this term really means: Her clothes and your clothes. She doesn't want her clothes in the same washer load as your grungy clothes so the term, Whites and Colors was invented to make it sound nicer.
Introduced into this washing of her clothes and your clothes comes, delicates. I have yet to decipher this code as there is nothing delicate about a bra that is basically a four inch wide hunk of elastic with enough wire metal in it to make a bumper for a 46 Pontiac. It is probably the most non-delicate item of clothing in the wash. But the washing machine manufacturers have played to this phrase and included a cycle for it. I see nothing different than any other cycle except that it pauses between sloshings, giving you the feeling it is being gentle, when in fact it is just wasting time it could have been sloshing more and doing a better job.
So we do HIS WASH; HER WASH; and THE NOT SO CLEAN WASH in order to finish up what should have taken 1/3 the time. But we do it to keep her happy even though she doesn't understand laundry one bit, having been taught by her mother who was taught by her mother that this was the way it is do be done.
When she is not around we throw everything in the washer together and just pretend we did a load of whites (her clothes), colors (our clothes) and delicates (not so clean bras). Of course this sometimes backfires as she did not tell you that she just bought a new red top and all the clothes (whites, colors and delicates) are not pink.
If it were a new orange top we could use the IRON IN THE WATER excuse, but pink just doesn't cut it with the rust excuse.
Of course her now pink panties are all ruined. The fact that two weeks later she will go out and buy pink panties does not enter into the equation at this very moment.
Really, if I end up with a batch of pink tee shirts....who gives a rat's ass?
A week later she will want to know why I am washing that red top in with the colored clothes when it should be in with the whites (hers). It only needed to be washed with the colored clothes the first time when it was going to run red dye all over (your clothes).


RandJ-Photo said...

Every man's dilemma.

My wife has three red things. As you know there are whites, color, delicate and red.

When she is around they have their own private wash sloshing around in the big machine, just the three of them. When she is out of the house they go in with the jeans.

New red things actually help the color of what I refer to as midlife jeans. Not deep blue of new jeans nor totally faded, almost falling apart white. About half way through their life span where they fit the best.

But only wash new jeans with jeans and any other blue thing that needs a boost in color.

crystalline said...

You've brought this up several times. To that end I have have concluded that you must really get your A** handed to you every time you do laundry. I'd like to make a couple suggestions that just might save the laundry marriage.

1: wifey poo is always right
2: save up the laundry so there is enough of each category to do separately.
3: when in doubt proceed to #1

All kidding aside... Don't mix reds and whites Ever AND just remember all this breaks down to the basics. "Light" colors to "light" colors and "Darks"(including reds) to "Darks". Dirt contend is irrelevant except for funky socks.